Happy 2016!

I know time is an illusion and what not, but I'm glad 2015 is over. For a while I wasn't sure I'd make it. A lot happened and I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I went back to school, started making music again, and ended my first semester with a higher GPA than I imagined. But I lost my grandmum, which made this my hardest semester yet.
But I'm still alive & kicking, and makin' stuff. Fingers crossed I make more (and post more) in 2016!

-Sarah

Say You May Forgive Me

Get it? Cause I didn't post in May? Hehehe.... Yeah. Anyway.

I spent the month of May panicking about school, visiting family (my own & the boyfriend's), and working. I have most of school figured out now. I made my schedule, have roommates (at least 2 of 3 are also animation majors), and have everything figured out for marching band. I have most of the financial stuff sorta figured out, maybe. Now I just wait until August so I can move in and start living again!

The main art thing I've been working on is a drawing for a friend of mine. I'm doing it in copic marker, and am just waiting on a few more that I ordered to be delivered. Buying online is the cheapest way to go. I got like 19 from Jerry's Artarama already, and have another 17 from Dick Blick on the way. They have them for equal prices, but they have different colours in stock and DB has refills. And I always order when I can get free shipping.
Here are a few things I've drawn since I last posted, all linked to tumblr if you click them

Thanks for reading,
Sarah

Crossovers

I've always been funny when it comes to fan art. Like, I never believed I was as good as the other people I saw making fan art, so I didn't post any of my own. I made less and just did a lot of generic art. I realize that's super dumb and have started drawing more fan art. Most of the fan art I've ever done was cross over (wolverine & spidey bros, Draco vs Link blonde battle, etc) so naturally that's what I did. 

This is a Bob's Burgers x Steven Universe Crossover Drawing. (not because I watched 40 episodes total of the 2 shows in three days. naaaaah) Because Louise and Amethyst would be the best friends ever. Pranking everyone they know, having Amethyst shape shift into Linda in order to get out of school, Louise going power hungry when she learns of gem powers, etc. It would be fantastic and I wish I was a better writer or I'd whip up some fanfic.

I learned a lot from this drawing. Mostly about the flaws in my digital art. Because there are a lot of flaws in the way I do digital art. I realized a lot about lining and how I place characters. Hopefully I can take that and improve more.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah

Planning My Way Out

I haven't posted in almost a month, but at the same time I was still actively reading blogs I follow, so I'll only count this as half a fail. Anyway, while I've been away I've gotten into 3 colleges, seen 2 of them, and made my decision. In the fall I'll be driving 3 hours away from home to go to school a state away. Dan and I drove down so I could go to an open house this past Saturday, and I'm confident I made a good decision. I'll be studying animation and film, taking classes in both before deciding on a concentration. I'll get to work digitally and traditionally, and finally in the field I want to. 

My associates in Graphic Design didn't really feel like I was doing it for me. It was like my parents wanted me to go back to school, and I was afraid my boyfriend's family would think I wasn't good enough for him if I just worked fast food forever. This time, I'm going to school for me, with full support from my family and boyfriend. 

It will be good for me, in so many ways. I will get to learn what I want to learn, spend time on a really pretty campus, potentially see more of a state I've only visited a couple times, and live on campus. To be honest, I'm super depressed. But that depression isn't what I was facing in high school (or maybe it is, but I can't go back in time to be sure). If you put depression on a scale from 1 being barely any to 10 being I've been in bed for a week and I cry every hour on the hour, when I'm out of the house I'm at a manageable 3 or 4. It can be a struggle to get going on occasion, but I'm fine. When I'm home it's a 9 for a myriad of reasons. So going away to college is going to get me out of here, and I cannot wait.

So, I've been trying to work on art, and being out of the house the last few days I was able to get a little bit of digital art done. It is my weakest skill, so I'm going to continue working on it. And now that I'm home again I'm gonna try to keep my spirits up. You'll see another post soon, I promise.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah

It Figures

(DISCLAIMER-Drawings of the Nude Human Figure)

One of my favourite things to draw is the human figure. Most of the time I tend to draw them in a clothed and mostly cartoony fashion, but I took a class on figure drawing during the Spring '14 semester. It was basically a room full of easels, 30+ students and a nude model. When the class started I was incredibly nervous and panicky. But eventually I got better and more confident, and I relaxed. Figure Drawing was the things that got me through losing my dad. The class was the only place I could clear my head and just focus on something else. So when my friend Clay's schedule and mine finally lined up with a local figure drawing group, we had to go.

The first time we went a few weeks ago I was super nervous, but still managed to have fun. I used more pieces of graphite instead of pencils. Quickly I was reminded of the areas I need to work on, mainly hands & feet and proportion of head/upperbody/lower body. For the most part my upper body looked good, but legs were too short, sometimes with too narrow hips. These issues weren't as bad once we got to longer poses, but my 3-10 minute poses all ended up super off. I think my last one turned out the best, and I even had time to work on the face.

A few weeks later, Clay and I went back to the figure drawing group. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not, after receiving the worst letter in the mail the night before, but I'm glad I went. Drawing and focusing was really good for getting my mind off my fear of not having a future. This time I didn't add any value to the figure and just focused on getting clean, accurate lines. I feel like my proportion is getting better overall, and I'm just improving in general. Though I did get super frustrated on our 45 minute pose. I drew it too small, so like 2/3 through I drew a second one, purposefully so large only the upper body fit on the page. I used ebony, 2h, and 6B pencils. I think next time I may want to bring marker or ink or something else. I don't know yet, luckily I have time to decide. I'm so excited for the next time we get to go draw.

Thanks for Reading,

Sarah

Happy Spring!

To celebrate the first day of spring, I spent a couple hours walking the Erie Canal right before sunset. It was good to get outside and move, and I saw so much wildlife, I was definitely more excited than I probably should've been. It's the first time in forever that I've spent more than 10 minutes outside for fun verses to shovel snow. Plus, I've been so stressed out worrying about what to do for my future, it was so relaxing to not think.

I received a Tamron 70-300mm lens for Christmas and hadn't really gotten the chance to use it for any amount of time yet. The only photos I really took with it were my mother from across the room to annoy her, and out the window on a 45 minute drive to visit a pregnant friend of mine. I figured taking it outside would be a fun way to get to know it better.


 Admittedly I was out a bit longer than I should have, considering it was about 37 degrees while I was outside, but I couldn't help myself. It was just so nice to be out. I wasn't the only person walking the canal either, there was at least half a dozen people walking and two bikers. It makes me so excited for when it does warm up, and we can start biking again. Especially since I now have this awesome lens, so I can capture the deer that we'll inevitably see.

 My main goal for walking was to try and capture the colours as the sun set. Rather quickly I was distracted by all the birds. The normal geese and sparrows, plus robins and pigeons. I even saw a hawk which I was really really really excited to see so close up. There was also a fox on the other side of the canal, moving slowly enough for me to get a photo of it to show the Boy. Basically all the animals were out and I was excited.

Rippling water is also one of my favourite things to photograph. The funny shapes and movement are fun to capture, and today was no exception. I quite enjoy photographs that are such a small piece of something that you can't quite tell what that something is, and moving water is a really great way to do that. This shot I got is of the shadows caused by bridge supports, and it just looks so much like it it's a photograph, and I really dig it.

Anyway, thanks for reading and looking at my pictures!

Sarah

3.14159

So I'm barely making it before midnight, but Happy Pi Day! I made Sheperd's Pie for dinner & Apple for dessert.

My sheperd's pie was based on the recipe from "Mayim's Vegan Table." I did use fake meat instead of lentils because my omnivore is picky. But it was soooo good, and it's totally something I'm making again.

I make apple pie at least once a year, and  always make my own crust. I'm basically an expert. Except today where I tossed my top crust and had to make another one. It's okay though, I made it work. It's ugly but who cares if it tastes good.

Thanks for reading! 

Sarah

Electra Woman and Dyna Girl

The original Electra Woman & Dyna Girl

In the 1976 Electra Woman & Dyna Girl aired for 16 episodes. It was lead by women, poked fun at the Batman & Robin, and was pretty nifty. I've started watching it online (I'm having issues finding episodes 11&12), since it was announced that Grace Helbig (Her self-titled YT Channel)  and Hannah Hart (MyHarto, YT home of MDK) will be staring in a reboot. They're are currently filming in Canada, and I cannot tell you how excited I am for this. Both women are hilarious and I bet you it'll do so well once it is released. (The only bit missing is Mamrie Hart (You Deserve a Drink), who I think they should have on as a villain.)
I decided that to celebrate Grace & Hannah landing such an awesome gig, I was going to draw them as their characters. I drew them in the original costumes from the '76 series, since we haven't seen what they will be wearing in the reboot (Definitely something similar, Hannah insta'd about pink spandex and grace was wearing yellow gloves while vlogging on set). The background is the elevator that takes you to the Electrabase. This took a crazy amount of time, about 4 hours. It was fueled by diet dr pepper, a box of pierogis, and a spray can of yellow cake frosting. I regret nothing.
Well, I don't regret recording the drawing for a speed drawing video, but I'm not fond of how long it took to export in premier pro. Ugh. But hey, I think it came out okay. I just need to speed up my footage even more.  (Part of it is premier's preview is choppy, so I'm unsure of how the footage will look) I'll figure out what I'm doing eventually!

Thanks for reading (and watching),

Sarah
(p.s. don't get too used to dailyish posts :P)

Anxiety

I have lot of it. I think more now that ever. I'm waiting to hear if I get into an art thing, which makes turning my brain off impossible. No matter what I'm doing, there is a little bit in the back of my brain, thinking about what-ifs and possible scenarios. My part time job is rather slow this time of year, so it looks like I won't be working for almost a month, so I won't be making money or have something to distract my brain with. It's started to effect my ability to fall asleep, so I'm overtired and my body aches. I'm pretty sure I have sciatica, which just makes it worse.
Getting out of bed took me 5 hours yesterday, today it took about 2 & 1/2. I have my drawing things next to/in my bed, so even if I can't make myself get up I can draw. I thought doodling in neon colours would help wake me up and cheer me up. It didn't, but at the same time now I can't say I didn't do anything all day.
It may be starting to decrease. I was worse off over the past weekend, perpetually afraid something terrible was going to happen. I've stopped trying to prepare myself for the worst things that could happen. I'm trying to relax.
My counselor made me realize that I really never relax completely. Art is fun, but there is still the bit of "what if this isn't good, what if it looks dumb," even with the most simple of doodles. Exercise is great, but even if my body isn't fighting with me as it is now, there is always the "I need to do better. I need to get faster/stronger," yelling in my head.

At least I'm not anxious about forgetting to blog,
Sarah

Comebacks are Hard

Not even like, sports comebacks where your body has to go from fat to fit with crazy endurance. I'm talking comeback to where you used to blog and kind of gave up, but came back because you miss being able to talk. Miss being able to explain and have feelings and show the process.
Tumblr is great at getting art spread quickly and connecting with people, sure. But it's also really great for art theft and doxing- neither of these things are pleasant. Then you have your personal, professional websites. You know, where you try to be proper and hirable with plenty of examples of your work so someone hires you. And deviantart is great for critiques and sharing as well. But it isn't making a 3+ paragraph long post with multiple images and an added little tidbit about your feelings. No, that's what blogging is for. Putting the art and the personal together in one spot, saying exactly what you mean because it's your space. Posting all the art you want, because it's a place for you to display your work, and then look back on it later once you've grown.

So I guess what I'm saying is I want to come back. I know there isn't anyone out there to ask permission from. But at the same time I feel like I have to type this out and make sure that I know it will be hard to get back into the swing of things. And even if not now, eventually my life with pick up and be busy again. But how about we give it another go, for old time's sake?

Thanks,
Sarah
(p.s. the whole time I've been typing this, the voice in my head has be Scottish. I'll take that as a good sign)

Nostalgia

nos·tal·gia
:pleasure and sadness that is caused by remembering something from the past and wishing that you could experience it again

 I just read through all of my old blog posts. All 3 years of them. From "lets skip the niceties" all the way to "I suck at everything." Damn. My brain just cannot compute. It's crazy to see the change in what I do art wise, and even crazier that in my head I'm thinking I may have gotten worse. Having been in a relationship for over a year now, it's odd to see my teenage boy trouble blues. I feel like I create less than I used  to. I feel like I do less than I used to.
Really, I am as I always was- stuck and confused. Always, I'm stuck feeling inadequate and useless. Always, I'm confused at what I should be doing or what I want to be doing. It's like I haven't even changed at all. But I know I have.
I am older, I know more than I once did. I know not to tell people a fake name to see if you can keep a straight face. I know what the signs of toxic relationships are. I know that it takes more than expensive things to make great artwork. I know what it's like to lose a parent.
I guess that's one of the reasons I came back to read though, because I lost my dad. I've been looking for any mentions of him I may have made, everything else is just extra.  I know losing him is going to effect me for the rest of my life, especially right now.
Right now is a very difficult time for me. But, I think it's more than that. This time is where I'm supposed to be figuring out what I want to do, but I can't. There is nothing I love more than everything else, I love everything. There are no niches left. Regardless of what I try to do, there will always be people better than me, unless there is some miracle thing no one has ever done before.
Maybe I'm just being silly, overly negative and pessimistic.
But hey.

“Pessimism is, in brief, playing the sure game. You cannot lose at it; you may gain. It is the only view of life in which you can never be disappointed. Having reckoned what to do in the worst possible circumstances, when better arise, as they may, life becomes child's play.” 

-Thomas Hardy  

I'm In a Rut

I'm prone to this feeling of sort of being stuck. It's like I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life, and it frightens me. I start to feel really terrible, about what I like to do, and realize (for the billionth time) that I have no one talent, but instead am 'okay' at lots of things. I'm afraid or unable to specialize in one thing and it stresses me out more and I just spiral downward. The only things I produce are negative, if I can do anything at all. I try to force myself, but it's hard and I can't always push through. I really do put forth as much energy as I can, but by then I'm back down in my little hole, nesting away and trying not to cry.

Sorry to be such a downer. And unable to ever follow through. I swear one day I will be who I want to be and fight through everything that gets me down. A happier post next, I promise.

Sarah